I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
