cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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