Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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