Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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