So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
