So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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