She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
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If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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