i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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