I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
