we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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