the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
