Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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