so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
