I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
