goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
