u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
