He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
