Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
