i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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