After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
