I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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