she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
