things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
then he tried to convert me to islam
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.