half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake