I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.