I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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