I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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