I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
