U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
