i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
