wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
our cab driver is having phone sex.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
