Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
