just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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