On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
