I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
