So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
