Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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