my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
