shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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