Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I need to stop coming to work sober
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
