If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
