guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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