The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
