so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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