Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Everything about him screamed your future.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
