if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
