I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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