She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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