She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There r osticjed everywhere
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
