i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
