the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is Oprah even human
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
