You can't motorboat a personality
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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