I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
