i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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