I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
