you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
