like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
