In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
