Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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