No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
