We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
