I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
