I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I just sharted jello shots
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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