Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
