It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
