dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
