Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
