apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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