Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drake has all the answers
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
