My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
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him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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