just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
