I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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