First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
