i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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