bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
